I need help, death and dying?

my father died 2 years ago and my mother is dying of ovarian cancer. i have posed this question once before, but i can't find solace. how do i deal with the loss of both my parents. keep in mind i am only 30 years old.

I need help, death and dying?
I feel for you. Some of it depends upon the relationship you've had with your parents. If there was any unfinished business that needed to be tied up with your father, it can encourage grief to remain. And now with your mother so ill, it's going to heighten the grief you felt upon your father's death. It's almost as if you experienced that grief, and now that your mother is dying, you have anticipatory grief on top of the real grief you may soon experience.





This isn't going to feel better for a long time. Keep in mind that dying is a process when illness is involved and grief afterwards is also a process. It will take time.





What could be helpful is to find a grief support group or see if there are any counselors in your area familiar with hospice type work and dealing with the family members of those who are dying. You need strong, compassionate support from people who understand how devastating this is for you and how long it's going to take you to heal once your mother has passed on.





Another possibility is church or other spiritual groups. If you are church/synogogue/other oriented, finding comfort in your religion's tenants of faith and any support oriented groups they may have can be helpful. If you are not religiously bent in those directions, finding alternative spiritual paths can also be helpful.





Lastly, don't be afraid to speak with your doctor about all you're going through. It could be that a mild dose of an antidepressant could help make these serious life challenges more bearable.





Blessings to you. My heart goes out to you.
Reply:I'm very sorry to hear of this =do you have a loved one that you are close to ,besides your parents=this person can be of great value to you
Reply:Your path in life right now it a long one, may I suggest check with hospice they have a wonderful support group, it will help you cope. You will be in my thoughts and prayers, I too have walked this path.
Reply:Oh my! I feel so bad for you! All I can think of is to read the Bible. Hopefully, your a believeing person, even if you don't practice, as long as you believe! Trust in God that you will one day be with them again. Do you have any close friends or family you can confide in? I'm sure they would be helpful just to talk to. Sometimes that's all you need now and then, is to talk. I "kinda" know what your going through. My father died 2 days after I turned 16, and my mother got cancer when I was 30 also. Only she did survive, now 11 years later. The only thing is, is that when she had her chemo, It somehow kicked in her alzhimers. She was always a forgetful person. Then after the chemo, she could no longer live by herself. And it didn't take that long for it to be full blown. So basically, I do not have my mother. Her body is there, and I still lover her to pieces, but she doesn't know me or anything anymore. So, "she" is really already gone. But, somtimes when I'm down, I'll read and try to make sense of it all. And, I have sisters and brothers to talk to when I can. (Long distance for me though, so that's not much.) But, I always have my Bible. I truely hope God helps you get through this. If you ever need to get things out, and don't have anyone at the moment, just write, and I'll respond. Bless you!
Reply:Hello, my condolances go out to you and your family. I always think about my parents if they where to die, and they will one day for sure. I do imagine when I spend time alone how sad it would be. A strong part of you is gone for the rest of YOUR life. They brought you into this planet, they fed you, took care of you to the best of their abilities. Man you are a strong person. You loved them alot and they loved and will always love you. Now you ask "how do i deal with the loss of both my parents keep in mind i am only 30 years old". Yes you are very young (as I am 31 years old). I think the best way to deal with this huge loss is to keep in mind, body and spirit that you love(d) them and live by your love for them. Strive to do good things in life, try to be more moral, try to enjoy nature, deep meditatation, do not be blinded by society. Do not be blinded by money or what people want to feed you about what love is. Just remember the strong bond you have to your parents, live by them and be proud of who they were and who you are. We all one day will miss the true ones we loved in life. We will miss them so much that an incredible void will be present in our lives. Just live by nature and try to be at peace with yourself and you will begin to realize that life is an on going labor of love, understanding and patience. Do what makes you comfortable in life and makes you happy. Take up some hobbies, what do you like to do? Exercise is great for your mind and body. Go for long walks or jogs, bench press, perhaps take martial arts. Try changing your diet perhaps a bit, try eating more foods reaped from the earth. try breathing exercises as well. Do you have a realtionship with a girl? If not try to get into one, it can't hurt. But if you want to be alone, know that you are not the only one alone, as I felt like you do many many days also. We must keep strong because life is a mystery and if we keep asking ourselves or others, why, why , why we may not make it in this life. We will get weak and depressed and that is the last thing you need. Basically we must live or die (die as in feeling like you are dead) So ask yourself..' do I want to be alive or dead" I hope it is alive because you are young and have alot of love to give as your parents did to you. thank you for taking the time to read this and good luck and good work to you in every aspect of your life. do not feel alone or depressed for we all will feel a GREAT loss in our lives one day. Just be strong and do what nature intended for us all. Take care.
Reply:My mom died within weeks of family finding out she had cancer, died right in front of us. What a helpless feeling. You ask a good question. One that I myself went around and asked others the same question hoping that someone would have the answer so I would feel better. Well, no one had the answer and what I found was TIME was my best friend in all of it. Things that you can do that I wish I had done was one talk to your mom, find out what her wishes are for you and you will be able to hold on to that and follow thur with it after she's gone rather than doing things that aren't healthy. Tape record your mother's conversations hearing her voice will provide comfort, keep a journal during this time will also help. Prayer will also help, if ya never thought God would ever show up in your life he will in situations like this because of the severity of the situation. Taste and see that he is Good. ( this means test God, and this is a time to call on the Lord). Be deteremine to go on many fall in situations like this, drug addiction, and depression its very easy to get caught up. Its difficult and there is not answer but it will get easier, although it will be a pain that you will have to carry each day. Each day I get up and spend it laughing and sharing with others I feel as though it were a sucess and I look up at the stars and say, look at me mom I doing life without you arent you proud! Be blessed!
Reply:omg I'm so sorry, i lost my dad to pancreatic cancer about 8 months ago, I'm only 15 and that really sucked for me but just friends and family really help like the ones that you can count on and talk to about anything, that how i got/getting through it.
Reply:I have cancer too. I have three children, one your exact age. This is hard to deal with for everyone who loses someone. You can't find solace yet because it is still happening and you are seeing your mom suffer. I am sure you feel helpless but it isn't true. I am sure the love you have for her helps her get through each day. If you need to talk to someone more than what we can do, ask your mom to ask her oncologist where a family support group is. You will meet others who will help you through this. God bless.