How can I be supportive?

I am a survior of ovarian cancer. I am big in help and doing things for the Relay for Life. I am very pround that I survied cancer. My boyfriend lost his mom to cancer a few years ago. Everytime I tell him what I am doing for the Relay or say somthing about being a survior he gets mad at me and says that I am rubbing it in the I survived and his mother did not. How can I can I still do my things for cancer and be supportive of his loss?

How can I be supportive?
Hi gurl78, congratulations for surviving! I'm a survivor too. I think your boyfriend is just still grieving for his mom, he has alot of unresolved anger. It takes time, some people grieve for years, you go through the stages not necessarily in order, shock, intense grief, intense sadness, anger, denial, and finally acceptance. Maybe he needs to talk about his mom. I found that most people get through grief by talking about it alot, it cleanses the system. Maybe start talking to him about his mom, like saying "did your mom like to........" and then let him open up. Maybe try to involve him in some of the cancer events, ask him to do it for his mom's memory.
Reply:He is probably still emotional and getting over it, it will take a long time.
Reply:Hello love firstly you are a very lucky lady to have survived that terrible disease. Now I hope you are looking after your health with diet and not getting your self stressed. Your b/friend is sad and not letting it go, he wants to to keep his anger from losing his mum alive from using your survival as an excuse. If I was you I would give him a ultimatum, deal with his issues get some counselling or hit the highway. You are a valued person with all of your voluntary support you need to concentrate on you and you alone, he should be there for you with support and love, Tell him that his mum would not want him to keep this anger alive, and that when it is his time she will be waiting for him on the other side,
Reply:Your boyfriend sounds very immature. Suggest that he get grief counseling. If he chooses not to get counseling, then ignore him and maybe someday he'll grow up. Be very glad you survived ovarian cancer and keep up the Relay work.
Reply:Tell him that you're doing these things so that cancer will be a thing of the past and other people won't have to lose their mothers.
Reply:You can be active in the support of others, but remember that charity starts at home. He has raw feelings about his mother still and you should keep that in mind before you speak.His feelings matter and you could do something in honor of her memory to show him.


If you could tie it in with your activities with this Relay for Life that would be even better.Just try to remember that it is hard on the loved ones.I remember reading the literature at my oncologists office: "It's not just you that gets cancer, the whole family gets cancer." He may be experiencing a form of survivors guilt of his own.


God bless you and yours.
Reply:swim